Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
I Have Forgotten More Than You Will Ever Learn
A young man was giving an old timer a hard time about not being able to remember anything. The Old man replied “Sonny boy I have forgotten more than you will ever learn”. The young man said well you cant even remember your own name. The senior citizen nodded and said see that proves my point I have forgotten my name but it is for sure one thing that you will never learn.
“Ode to getting old”
Just a line to say I’m living, That I’m not among the dead Though I’m getting more forgetful And something’s slipping in my head;
I got used to arthritis, To my dentures I’m resigned. I can manage my bifocals, But oh, how much I miss my mind.
For sometimes I cannot remember When I stand atop the stairs, If I must go down for something Or if I’ve just come up from there.
And before the fridge, so often My mind is filled with nagging doubt. Have I just put food away, or Have I come to take some out.
I called a friend not long ago, When they answered I just moaned. I hung up quickly without speaking, For I’d forgotten who I’d phoned.
And when the darkness falls upon me I stand alone and scratch my head. I don’t know if I’m retiring, Or just getting out of bed?
Once I stood in my own bathroom, Wondering if I’d used the pot. I flushed it just in case I had And sat down just in case I’d not.
So, now if it’s my turn to write you. There’s no need for getting sore It may be that I think I’ve written And don’t need to write no more.
Now I stand beside the mail box With a face so very red Instead of mailing you the letter I have opened it instead.
Medicare in a nutshell
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, “Hello”. “Mrs. Ward, please.” “Speaking.” “Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband’s biopsy to the lab yesterday, a Biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now Uncertain which one is your husband’s. Frankly the results are Either bad or terrible” “What do you mean?” Mrs. Ward asks nervously. “Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s, and The other one tested positive for AIDS. We can’t tell which your Husband’s’ is.” “That’s dreadful! Can’t you do the test again?” questioned Mrs. Ward. “Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive Tests one time.” “Well, what am I supposed to do now?” “The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off Somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don’t Sleep with him.